Is It Possible To Be Just Friends With Someone Of The Opposite Sex?

What's going on people? I've spent the day recovering from a very draining evening last night, and I came across a article from the good folks at Verysmartbrothas.com sparked my interest. It reminded me of a similar piece that wrote in early 07' on the fact that platonic relationships do not exist.

Granted my stance has softened slightly since then under the following circumstances:

1. Childhood friends, practically grew up together

Even under this corollary there are still some fuzzy areas. I do have friends that have been around since I could ever remember, that might as well be blood related, and any non-platonic dealings would just be weird. Now there are some people (mostly women) that would say something like "I've know him since Freshman year he's like a brother to me", and my response to that is that it doesn't count. We are all adults here, and with steady supply of the devils nectar, nostalgia, and some type of attraction that is the recipe for sexual relations.

2. One of the friends is an homosexual

This would be the obvious circumstance here... and very little explanation is needed for it. This is the one relationship an girlfriend of mind could have, and me be 100% fine with. They can go shopping, she can even go there late night and hangout, they can even go out of town overnight together and I would have zero issues with it. There is no other case where me as the significant other would allow without having some type of issue with it.

3. Friendship has come full-circle

This is when you've gone from being platonic to not being platonic, then realizing that things were too awkward and didn't fit for anything to come of it, and you become "just friends again". Or if it has been FIRMLY established at the get go, that relationship with that particular person is what it is at that moment, and you have no interest on testing the waters, and you still remain friends then you are legitimate friends. When I say firmly, I mean that the interest from one person to the next has been identified, and the person that isn't reciprocating that same feelings clears the air, leaving no question where she stands. I guess the reason why these kinds of friendships are so beautiful to me is because they are very difficult to find.

If none of those 3 categories doesn't fit your friendship with someone of the opposite sex, you do not have a complete platonic friendship. Even if it platonic on your side of the fence, if you know the other party has interest in you, and you keep them around its because you are taking advantage of that fact. Is that a messed up thing to do? I would say yes if you haven't addressed it, and you continue to lead them along like a puppy on a leash. On the other side of the fence isn't that person's fault that they are in that situation, for not recognizing the signs and addressing the issues? Yes I would agree to that as well. You could say that the person missed the signs, but the law says that ignorance of the law doesn't make you innocent and in relationships this is no different.

So for those that are stuck in limbo in what I call "The Purgatory of box" you may ask is there a way out of it? What is this place and how exactly did you get there? I got you Ya Boi has the answer, tell you how you might have gotten there, and if you can get out. Lets look at each of those questions individually shall we...

How did I get here?

The reasoning to how you wound up in "The purgatory of box/cock" really varies. It can be any and everything from bad breathe to not having a plan for your life. You never really know exactly how it happens it just does.

Men have various reasons for women falling to the purgatory, and women have reasons for males falling to purgatory, but how men and women determine this are VERY different.

A quote I read best describes this quagmire and it said, "Guys love what they're attracted to, while women are attracted to what they love". That one quote explains men and women in a nutshell in 140 characters or less.

I was talking to my sister yesterday as we were discussing this paradox, and compared it best to a game of NBA 2K. Let's say you played one half of the game right, and you a killing and are up 7 at the half. Then you decide that you want to simulate to the end of the game, and you end up losing by 3. You don't know how it happened all you know is that the computer decided that despite your efforts, you were still going to lose the game. That is how purgatory of box/cock works. It's best not to ask questions and decide how you want to deal with it....

OK so what do I do? Can I escape?

Do you A. Decide its not worth your time and leave B. Stay and accept your fate (you'll become a go to person or side person if you will) C. Stay and work you way off.

A and B self explanatory, but if you decide to go with the third option you can do that but I will warn you and say your chances aren't favorable. The way you begin to do that, is to not make yourself readily available, and put your best foot forward. Maybe just maybe... they might see those positive attributes you possess and re-consider.

As difficult as the opposite sex is its pretty simple on how to deal with them. Just don't go into these situations expecting to change these people, fellas don't try to use the friend role to get to the box (coming from someone that did that once or twice believe me when I tell you, that isn't a role you want to play if you want to be successful out here), and more importantly just be honest friendship opposite or otherwise put everything on the table. Thoughts??

Happy New Year

Happy New Year Folks!

I am currently listening to R. Kelly's "Love Letter" album which is from track one to thirteen is timeless material. I will be doing a official album review very soon. Maybe as soon as tonight... I am in a writing mood. One of his records "Music Must be a Lady" inspired me to write a blog about how exactly I see music just that... A beautiful woman. It is going to be a description of how the credence of what I see behind various genres of music is kind of what I am looking for in my potential wife. I am going to leave it at that, I do not want to give too much away.

2011 is a going to be another one of my defining moments, I will definitely be writing this year. 2010 I didn't do too much writing because of me "so busy" A.k.a not having a lot of time for myself this past year and I will make strides in doing better with that.

I just wanted to check in with you all... and remind you all as well as myself that we are all in this thing together! We don't have to do this alone. Be blesssed

AR

Letter to my unborn child

To the fruit of my loins,

I originally planned on addressing this to my unborn son, but with another 50% that it could be a girl I decided to keep to design this letter as more of a unisex thing. I am pretty young myself but in my 24 soon to be 25 years of life I feel like I have seen a whole lot. In fact maybe more than people who have 5-10 years on me so like I always tell people age is nothing but a number just broad measuring system of where you are in life. All that system says is are you living under where you should be? Or are you where most people are TYPICALLY at this point (this is usually for people who cool with settling and being in the status quo you don't want to be there We'll get into that more in depth later), and the 3rd quadrant and where you should always be, is a place where you read and learn all you can understanding you don't know everything, but accept that and humble yourself to where maybe one day you may be all wise. In the book of Proverbs (which is a book in the bible you should read periodically in your life) It says wisdom is more precious than gold and rubies, and honestly that's one of the few absolute things that I know about this life. Money is a great thing to have, but its not eternal, its not something that last long too much longer after you have left this life.

This world is a ugly place... full of trife, evil, a place that people will throw their family under the bus to advance their motives. The key with that is acknowledge that as soon as possible, so when people disappoint you (which they will throughout your life unfortunately) pray to the lord to forgive them "for they do not know what they do". Doing that is essential in you living a joyous life. Living a life where you are filled with bitterness, and having vendettas against people who have wronged you will do nothing but poison yourself. Loyalty as well as patience is such a important virtue to have. My own mother used to always tell me when I was a little boy that your character is all you have in this life. Money can be taken from you, prestige can be taken from you instantly. In fact there is a long list of people that bartered their integrity for riches and have become social pariahs. You must understand that your integrity, your character outlives you, this is what people remember about you long after your gone. My grandfather died almost 10 years ago to date, and people can still sit around for hours upon hours and have nothing but nice things to say about him, entertaining stories that involve him. This is something that will continue to occur for a longtime because he influenced a lot of people with the next important thing I want you to take from this... He embraced everybody he came across with LOVE

Wisdom, patience (in due time, all things come together its been that way of the universe for many many years, no need to rush into anything let it unfold as it should), and Love are the most important virtues to live by in this life. As complicated as the media or your friends may say, this life isn't REALLY that complicated. If you love yourself, and your fellow man everything is going to workout for you in your life. If I were to die today I lived a great life because I genuinely loved my fellow man, even though in today's time it isn't necessarily the most popular thing to do, its more of a "I am going to look out for me kind of society". Regardless of that love is the only way to really enjoying your life. Its not easy but as you will see you progress through this life, there isn't much in this life that is easy, but that doesn't mean you should cop out to the less difficult and wrong way of doing things.

These are just a couple things for your life journey not a complete compass of how to maneuver in this world. Even if I wanted to I couldn't do, in fact you probably would want to find out for yourself anyway. I feel confident of that because if you are anything like me, you quite stubborn and your about exploring life. These are just couple general things to take with you that will apply for eternity, timeless for a lack of better words. Last but not least LIVE YOUR LIFE. You get one life to live you don't get a second go round so like Ms Frizzle from the magic school bus (one of my favorite television shows from my childhood) would say "Take chances, make mistakes, get messy" Earlier in this message I said before about how ugly this world can be at times. On the other side of that though that remains true, as which everything live is about balance. That's a good thing because the world is such an amazing place as well! You will meet the funniest people, the most intelligent people, as well as kindest people you can ever meet in your voyage. With that said....

Be true to yourself no matter what

Godspeed

You Can't Hurry Love

What's up people... Sunday my favorite day to reflect on things it seems like its one of the only days of the week that the noise of society is a little more quiet. It is also on Sundays that I let my old school jams play while I read,study, clean up from the weekend, etc. But as I was preparing one of my gourmet dinners one of my favorite songs "Don't Hurry Love" by the legendary Diane Ross and The Supremes. My first thought was how i missed songwriting and meaningful music that all the past decades provided us with. Now it seems as if people just want to create catchy music that lacks substance kind of what happened with the American made car more or less. Back in the day Fords, Chevy's, Cadillac's were made from good American made steel, but to cut cost they decided to slack off on the design and its guarantee that you were getting a sturdy vehicle.



Anyway back to the subject at hand...so I also just got off the phone with my cousin and he was asking about one of my personal situations with this one particular girl. Without getting too involved in the details, this particular girl I have known and been intrigued by for a couple of years. I think the reason that I have this much interest in this girl is the fact that she is so different than any of the other girls I have come in contact with. No matter how fat girl X ass is, or how well stupid girl Z Stiletto game maybe, this my interest in this girl surpasses all of them. I know this sounds real mushy and gooey lol but its real but here is how all this stuff comes together, here is where that song by Diane Ross and The Supremes hit me to where i wanted to speak on it. I told him that I feel like this kind of situation is such a gift but yet such a curse.

Now how its a curse is the fact that I am a very eligible bachelor, without any kids, with a good job that god continues to bless me with. These are all things that are hard to come by out here and the people i meet and deal with me understand that. But no matter how great the sex maybe, or how much fun I may have with girl X I'm always halfway there 60% there at the most. Let's call this lady Eva since she is a lot like Gabrielle Union of "Deliver Us From Eva" LL had to put up a lotta work of dudes weren't tryin to put in to finally pull her. LL's character could have chosen a bandwagon other girls that wouldn't have given half the trouble Eva did. But at the end of the day he had to make a choice either he could have gone the easy way taken one from the bandwagon, or the hard way and gone after what he really wanted which was Eva. My point is this... this just doesn't apply to relationships but anything you really want in life, if you see something and you really want it go out there and grab it. Don't let your home boy or your home girl's opinions differ you from what is yours. Life is too short to be taking the easy way all the time, the easy way is for losers. The people who only take the shortcuts are the most unhappy because they cut themselves short, they settle. I gotta have what I really want my spirit won't let me have anything else. It's like when ur stomach makes u throw up something that it can't take, that's how I am with settling I can't do it i gotta throw it back up. In same breathe I am not advocating staying in a situation that IS bad for you. Only you can determine the difference between being in a situation that is good for you and one that is negative.

Getting back to my phone conversation with my cousin, he asked me if hypothetically if this my situation doesn't end up working out would I feel like it was a waste of time. I only thought about it for a split second, and answered honestly no because in life you have to take risk. You miss every shot you don't put up, and I don't play just to play i play for keeps. So if it isn't successful that's just god's will and Gucci said it the best "girls are like buses miss one miss 15 one coming" Patience is a virtue there is no need to rush perfection all things work together for those called according to god's will and I believe that wholeheartedly. We are twenty somethings 30 somethings we have our whole lives ahead of us, don't get caught up on the fact you don't have a man or a girl. Work on being you, prepare yourself you have your whole lives to be married and tied down. My late Grandparents were married for 40+ years, that kind of love is not one that was rushed.

I say all that to just say this.... Take your time this is not a race its not Marathon (c) Jay-Z

Ya boi

Back on My Blog Ish Folks

What's happenin people?! it's been forever and two days since the last time I was here. My homegirl Sydney said it the best that Twitter has been the culprit for the lack of motivation to blog for real because I guess is what Twitter is a micro-blog so instead of taking responsibility for slacking up lets just put it on Twitter lol. I got quite a bit to discuss from the rise of hoelike dudes, to basic girls and everything else in between so let's get started.

The summer of 2009 has flown by so fast August starts in 2 days, which is such a crazy concept for me to comprehend. I think as I get older the faster time gets. Because it seems like time has been accelerating since the time I turned 21. I called it the coming of age, half of me thought it was a catchy theme for my 21st birthday, but the other half of me knew that by turning 21 the life as I knew it was over. It was the true beginning for me as a man making his way through the world. Its been fun, insightful, and interesting to say the least. Learning about people, starting to know people better than they know themselves at some points. Realizing that most people aren't who they say they are. I can tell u that but you will never truly understand until you have experienced it first hand. Before it used to upset for lack of better words when I would see people perpetrating to be someone that isn't who they are. But I later learned that some people don't understand what my man Sidney Poitier said the best that, "you don't have to be someone else to be better than you are" I pride myself on being myself, I never try to be something that I am not. I rather be hated for what I am rather than being loved for who I am not. That must be a very depressing thing to realize at the end of the day that it's the fake persona that people like about u rather than the real u. A person may see something I do as ridiculous, wack, stupid, good, or even great. Though I am a person who does appreciate constructive feedback I can really can a damn what ur opinions they are like yesterdays everybody has one.

Something else that I have wanted to speak on are these fads i see going on out here in these streets. I am talking about women shaving their heads, dudes wearing skinny jeans that women can fit into, and a time where being a pansy for a lack of better words is okay. I remember a time when if u were a sap and/or lacking on the testosterone side was not a good thing by any means and u were gonna get no respect not from your comrades (your boys) or from the girls. Now all bets are off lames are pulling these chicks left and right watering the game down. Now I know i do sound like a hater, but let me go ahead and mention I am not a hater by no means its impossible. I give credit where credit is due I have always been like that. But with that said I was in the mall and i did not know that these skinny jeans that these guys be wearing are actually in womens sizes!!! I didn't even know that before, I thought they were mens jeans that just ran real tight kinda our European-American friends. But I picked up a pair of these jeans just out of curiosity and saw that they were a size 5!!! Now how can you call yourself a real man if u are squeezing yourselves into these jeans like a woman. Come on fellas lets leave the tight fitting pants for our women it looks far better on them. I hope that we don't continue down this road of role reversals.

I have been seeing it out here pretty heavy actually. To each is own has always been the saying with me, but nobody can explain to me how this is a okay concept. The only other person I have ever known to real dance on the line of womans clothing was Prince, and he is Prince he can do that i guess he has been doing that before I was ever born so that is his thing.

So with that said ya boi is signing off I am tired as I don't know what. Working in the office environment is very draining as it is in a physical environment. Dealing with clients with their issuse, and dealing with office stuff is quite tiring and can take a lot out of a person. More on that in the coming days. So until then.............

Holla,

Ya boi

School-Life just some thoughts of mine...

What's happening People? I just got out of this meeting and had to take time out to write before I was too tired to do it after I got off work. I wanted to speak on something that is near and dear to me, something that I have been battling for many years and I never consciously knew about it. Let me elaborate......

All my life my parents, teachers, society have always said that if you want to be successful in life you need to have a college degree. I was also taught that people who dropout have bad pre-established perceptions about them (lazy, good for nothing, etc.) which of course is true in some cases just like most stereotypes. What I have come to realize at this point in life is that a lot of people who did complete school are just surviving. Not surviving necessarily from a poverty standpoint, but more of people who just go through the motions of life. They do the mundane 9-5 thing at a job you really don't like.

Those same people then go to school to pay $15,000-$50,000 just to get a job where you make $30,000-$50,000 (on average). Then you have people like on of my business heroes Richard Branson who is a multi-billionaire who stopped attending school at the age of 15, and lives a very fulfilling life. You have entertainers like Jay-z, who happens to be a excellent bussinessman who is halfway to a billion and he also dropped out without a high school diploma. Sean "Diddy" Combs another entertainer that actually went to college, and ended up dropping out of Howard University to chase his dreams. To quote my favorite rapper Jay-Z as I most frequently do he says, "I rather die egnormous than to live dormant" That is my general outlook on life, I want to drive the benz's and take lavish trips to St Tropez, and to Mediterran, and take care of my family and community. No disrespect to anybody how lives the life that I aforementioned, my family lives that lifestyle for the most part. But like anybody else I just want for me and my family to be comfortable, that is why I am in school. So that I can have that foundation for the future.

Especially in this economy, I have seen people who graduated with honors and still waiting tables. Once again no disrespect to people who wait tables it is a job that is definately needed. But what I am saying is that you don't pay $40,000 to still not be comfortable. On the flipside of that I also see a lot of excutives who are making six-figures living nice who graduated from college, paid thier dues, and worked very hard up the corporate ladder. I also know that there is very few things that people cannot ever take from you and the only thing that I can really think of is your degree. You can go work somewhere work for 20-years and get fired because someone who is higher qualified than you, and has that college degree is willing to work for less.

With all that said, I am going to wrap-up my thoughts and all that I realized on this using a episode of the Cosby's I watched the other day. Denise decided she wanted to teach kids, and she saw a teacher at Oliva's (Raven Symone) with a very interactive way of teaching kids. She thought that it was really easy that she could learn on the job, and that she could go around every option except school. Then when she told her parents that she found the answer to getting around school was by learning along side the teacher. Clarie(Phyllica Rashad-One of my favorite people) told her that by paying dues was to get your degree, where you can then go and get your foot in the door at the bottom, then go up that was what paying dues were (people who weren't content on taking whatever they were giving like some people who are fine with living dormant). That made a lot of sense to me, because I can relate to Denise because I always used to ask those same questions she asked. I guess I was so against being the status quo, I wanted to seek alternatives to school. But School is a institution that is supposed to give you a more steady foot to stand on. Its not a lifetime commitment its just a small block of years where you power and manuever your way through just to give you the opportunity, to cleaner route to success. Though the route maybe cleaner, but it definitely is not easy by any means. Its okay though what doesn't doesn't kill you only further defines you.

Just something i was thinking about... Until next time

Ya boi

Its been a minute

What's up people?! Its been a minute, i admit I haven't been on the blog tip very much these days please forgive me I am a very busy man. School just went back into session and we are trying to go extra hard for the remainder of the semester. There is a lot that I want to touch on from Rick Ross to the whole Robyn F.-Chris Brown debacle.

Now as far as the Chris Brown situation goes I do not want to go too far into it nemore than the people in the media and lunch tables nationwide already have. I will never ever condone any man hitting a female in any situation period. In the same breath now all of us know that women like to push and mash our buttons to rise a reaction out of males. As far as Arthur Stuart goes I am not going to raise my hand at you period, but i can't guarantee that so and so won't do the same. After reading the affidavit I realized that Chris Brown was whilin hard and if he was dating my sister and did the same thing he would probably have a WHOLE other set of problems. As far as Robyn F. goes to my understanding the couple have reconciled, and I feel as if that is not a good example she is setting for young girls coming up. Kelly Ripa's husband Marc Consulos made a comment on the Oprah Show, stating that this is another example of how parents need to play a more active role in rasing kids and not allow celebrities to be as big of a influence in their lives. Its up to our fathers as well as mothers for that balance and discipline for our kids. That's all I have and will say on the matter

As far as Rick Ross goes, I must say whoever his publicist is needs to be fired. They did a pretty poor job with the way they handled his correctional officer business. He blatantly lies, and speaks and circles, as well as a significant amount of deceit about his past. You can either strategically explain away the allegations or come clean. One or the other, now you have a album coming out and the perpetual bully 50 Cent possibly being a major threat to his career as it stands. I know that I have lost a lot of respect for the man, he is a lie and a fraud. He says he is the biggest boss you have seen thus far, but he won perfect attendance awards as a security guard in prison. This is a lesson to everybody out there who want to front and perpetrate on who you really are. Miss Info from Hot 97 in NY says that "Principles wins over propaganda" and that might be some of the truest phrases ever.

Ya boi is tired I am about to rest up for a long day tomorrow I got the usual class and work grind to look forward too. I am too excited about that {enter sarcasm} I hope to speak on some other things tomorrow until then...............

Im Out
Ya boi